Are men and women really different
We are more different than we can imagine! The only way that I have discovered that men and women are alike is in our core desire. A desire to be loved, a desire to be accepted exactly the way that we are. And a desire to love, to love fully and to have one's love fully received and cherished.
A common problem is that women think men are cut off from their feelings. Actually, men's feelings are literally in a different place in their bodies. Women feel happy right in the middle of their chest, like a vibration of happiness. A man, when he feels happy, it's his upper chest and shoulders and neck that fill with energy. If you're watching him, he will literally puff up. He'll look bigger. If he has a moment of ecstasy and is really happy, it flows out through the chest and into his arms and hands, and that's where you get high-fives, or jumping up to hit a cross-beam.
One major difference is that women base more decisions on love. As a woman, if I love you and you love me, we should get married. It's that simple. For a man, that he loves a woman is just one of many factors. One big thing he's going to consider is if she fits with the life that he envisions for himself, his goals. Since he doesn't expect her to give up her life to blend into his, this can be very important. Men listen very carefully to women express themselves about what their dreams are and what they want, and they think, "Could I give that to her? Do I want to give that to her?" It's possible for men to want us to fulfill our dreams, but not want to be the person to be there when we do it.
Women pay attention to a lot of things at the same time. We almost never give anything our undivided attention. That's natural for a woman. But men don't tend to be good multi-taskers. They pay attention to one result at a time. They commit themselves to that one result and they're entirely focused on it, and they get very frustrated when they don't have what they need to do it. That can be hard for a woman to understand.There's a great example in the first half-hour of my In Sync CD. It's about a man and a woman on a date. He's trying to accomplish getting them to the restaurant so they can have a nice dinner, and she thinks he's not talking to her because he doesn't like her. And that's not true at all. He's just trying to make sure she has a nice evening! Once they get to the restaurant, he'll be ready to talk. Understanding how men think can turn an awkward date into a great one.
Men look for different things in a romantic relationship than in their other relationships. They are looking for what they are not, and the word for that is femininity. It's the qualities they don't find in themselves or their friends. They're very much looking for nurturing, someone who cares for them and cares about them and pays attention in a way that women are uniquely made to pay attention. Men derive an enormous amount of comfort from a woman's believing in them. If she thinks he can do it, he must be able to do it. It makes them braver. A man is also looking for a woman who will respond to his playfulness. Women tend to be much more serious. He's looking for her to be delighted. To be tickled. To let him make her laugh.
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